TOCICO

In 2014, my husband and I started exploring the possibility of my taking early retirement. My daughter was slated to join the Navy’s delayed entry program in February 2015, so we would be empty nesters. We had been told that there was no reason why I couldn’t retire whenever I wanted to, we would be able to live just fine. We had been talking about retiring to Las Vegas and had even started to look for houses there. Then on February 8, 2015, the night before my daughter left for the Navy, my life was irrevocably changed by an act of domestic violence by my husband. I was physically injured, and not only an empty nester, but I was left with an empty house since my husband was arrested that night on 3 counts of Felony Domestic Violence. It was as if my husband of almost 27 years had died, except he hadn’t. The combination of grief, stress, pain and psychiatric medications left me barely able to function... This is the story of how, through trial and error, the thinking processes and the change matrix helped me redefine my life and develop a map for the future that others might follow. My lawyer told me the first step was to get a protection order and then to file for divorce. I agreed to the protection order but balked at filing for divorce because my lawyer was pushing me into the murky unknown. To complicate matters, what my lawyer told me threatened my financial security and everything I had worked for my entire life, which threw me into panic. I didn’t know what I wanted to do going forward and it didn’t help that there were no standard processes for divorce, especially under my circumstances. I was being pressured by my family to return to the status quo, so I continued to work just so I would have a diversion. Then one night as I was thinking about the situation, I realized I had a choice. As Dr. Goldratt said, I could choose an easy life or a good life. The good life meant I needed to proceed with a divorce. During my divorce process, my lawyers continually told me I would lose half of everything because mine was “a marriage of long duration” and that it was the law. Panic became a constant companion. I desperately needed a win-win solution, but I realized I was in an emotional conflict. Dr. Goldratt always said you can’t use logic to resolve an emotional conflict. I needed an unrefusable offer, but there was nothing to offer. What could I do? I agonized over my situation until I realized what I needed was to drive my husband to change, so I turned to the Change Matrix for help. I needed an Alligator to scare my husband into accepting a different pot of gold. Video length: . PDF: slides.